Chuck Lorre Responds to Charlie Sheen

charlie sheenIn case you’re not aware, Charlie Sheen has become certifiable over the past few months. He really has lost it. In response to Sheen’s drug and alcohol induced antics, Chuck Lorre, the producer of Two and a Half Men, wrote this on the vanity card that runs during the credits of Lorre’s shows.

“I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night. I’ve had chest x-rays, cardio stress tests, EKG’s and colonoscopies. I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I don’t have crazy, reckless sex with strangers.”

“If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I’m gonna be really pissed.”

Sheen responded to the vanity card stating that, “I didn’t care about that vanity card, I went straight home and dispelled that, that was actually one of the few compliments that clown has paid me in frickin’ almost a decade.” He continued, “I embarrassed him in front of his children and the world by healing at a pace that this un-evolved mind cannot process. I’ve spent, I think, close to the last decade I don’t know effortlessly and magically converted your tin can into pure gold. And the gratitude I get is this charlatan chose not to do his job, which is to write.”

He continued on saying he “violently hated” Lorre, whom he called “a stupid, stupid little man.” Sheen challenged Lorre to a fight, saying “If he wins, then he can leave my show.”

Sheen added, “You can tell him [Lorre] one thing. I own him.”

Well, Lorre responded via the vanity card once again.

I understand that I’m under a lot of pressure to respond to certain statements made about me recently. The following are my uncensored thoughts. I hope this will put an end to any further speculation. I believe that consciousness creates the illusion of individuation, the false feeling of being separate. In other words, I am aware, ergo I am alone. I further believe that this existential misunderstanding is the prime motivating force for the neurotic compulsion to blot out consciousness. This explains the paradox of our culture, which celebrates the ego while simultaneously promoting its evisceration with drugs and alcohol. It also clarifies our deep-seated fear of monolithic, one-minded systems like communism, religious fundamentalism, zombies and invaders from Mars. Each one is a dark echo of an oceanic state of unifying transcendence from which consciousness must, by nature, flee. The Fall from Grace is, in fact, a Sprint from Grace. Or perhaps more accurately, “Screw Grace, I am so outta here!” Questions?

If you are interested, you can read all of the vanity cards that have appeared on Lorre produced shows here.

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